She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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