I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
