You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
