He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
did you just send me my own nude
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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