I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
