Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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