Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
