Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
