I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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