Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
