I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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