I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
