i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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