I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
