I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
4 words: hood of his car
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
