you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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