does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
