I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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