I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
