Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
