finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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