my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your penis caused this!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
