what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
