Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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