Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
