The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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