I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
