Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?

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(703): View more from Virginia

I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

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(847): View more from Illinois

i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

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(727): View more from Florida

at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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(623): View more from Arizona

By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.

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(972): View more from Texas

I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.

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(480): View more from Arizona

This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.

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(928): View more from Arizona

They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...

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