ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches