When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...