i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
