Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
