I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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