Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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