Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sext me about skeletons
The Olympian is in my bed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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