I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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