that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
