piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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