if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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