youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
