Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
