she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
