he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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