At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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