Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
