Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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