my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
