Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
