I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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