Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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