idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
