Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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