WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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