When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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