didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
