I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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