Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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