no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
