question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
