No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
