Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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