went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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