chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
