he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
